


Really

by eternal_octopus



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hotels, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27910771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternal_octopus/pseuds/eternal_octopus
Summary: I really, really like you,Eric had said, the feelings inside him so big and loud he couldn't contain them anymore.Like, so, so much.Juyeon's smile had been so warm, so unlike any smile Eric had ever seen him give anyone, a smile just for Eric.I really like you, too.He'd curved his hand around the side of Eric's neck, the heel of his palm right there against Eric's racing pulse. There's no way he hadn't felt it.Really?
Relationships: Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70
Collections: Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	Really

**Author's Note:**

> Bingo Card 09 "Queer Over the Years", Prompt "Greta Garbo & Mercedes de Acosta"
> 
> //
> 
> The referenced M Countdown performance: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XOKv5caXqc>
> 
> //
> 
> Thank you so much to my girlfriend, Joy, as always, for all of your time, care, and effort to beta/edit this story. None of my stories would be half as good without you. I appreciate you more than you know.

Eric's never had a girlfriend. Not because there haven't been girls interested, or because he doesn't like them or anything. He's just always been very focused, on his dreams, on the goals he needs to accomplish.

When all his middle school friends were talking about the girls they thought were pretty or who they wanted to take to the dance, Eric was focused on honing his baseball skills, practicing his pitches, exercising to get the lean, fast-twitch muscles he needed for sprinting. Back in Korea for high school he had even less time for dating, too busy studying on top of his baseball training. And then he passed his audition at Cre.Ker, which ended any dating aspirations he might have had anyway.

So he doesn't actually have any experience being in a relationship. Or at least he doesn't personally; he's watched a lot of k-dramas, and American romantic comedies, so it's not like he's completely clueless.

Of course he hasn't seen any shows or movies that align very well with his current situation. He has a lot of ideas of how to apologize for being thoughtless or win someone back after a breakup thanks to those films, but he doesn't exactly know how to start a relationship with someone he works with. Especially when technically neither of them are allowed to date, and are definitely not allowed to date each other.

He didn't really plan to be in this situation. Most guys his age have dated at least a little bit by now, have experienced crushes and rejections and had their first kiss. He didn't even realize he _had_ a crush until it was pointed out to him by someone else. And then, once he knew about it, he couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. He just didn't know what to _do_.

His hyungs had been surprisingly unhelpful, too. If Eric hadn't just randomly blurted his feelings out he'd probably still be sitting around worrying instead of being on his first romantic vacation.

Vacation is maybe a bit of a stretch; it's just one night in a hotel on the way to Juyeon's hometown where Eric's been invited to spend Chuseok. But it's still the first time they'll get be alone together since they started dating, which is a pretty big deal in Eric's book.

He's been trying not to worry about his lack of experience, but he's pretty sure Juyeon's at least kissed someone before. Maybe more. Probably more. He's honestly been too nervous to ask. While he doesn't personally mind that he's going to be getting his first kiss tonight (he actually thinks it's pretty romantic), he hopes it won't make Juyeon think he's too much of a baby to keep dating. They aren't that far apart in age, but a couple of years is a pretty big difference when they're as young as they are.

They've been together for a few months now, and, so far, not much has changed between them. But there has been a little more touching in recent weeks, more skinship and cuddling, and Juyeon did invite Eric home for the holiday, so that definitely has to mean something.

It's just that Eric likes Juyeon _so_ much, likes him in a way he's never liked anyone his whole life. Before this he only ever fantasized about vague things, scenes from the dramas he watched, stuff he's seen in the little bit of porn he's been brave enough to look for. But now Juyeon's all he ever thinks about when he's touching himself, even shows up in his sexy dreams.

He's not ready for sex or anything, and he doesn't think Juyeon is either, but he's definitely thought about it. Leading up to this trip he spent some time researching, attempted to decide what he would be okay with trying, just in case. The last thing he wants to do is disappoint Juyeon on their first night alone together.

One thing he knows he's ready for is romance. Even if all they do is kiss, and even with his lack of experience, he's sure he can make it something Juyeon will remember.

So he makes sure he grabs the first shower when they arrive at the hotel, takes a little longer than usual so he can exfoliate and shave extra carefully, can blow dry and run a flattener through his hair so it's pretty and soft despite all the years of bleach damage. He applies moisturizer to his face and scent-free lotion to his skin and lightly tinted balm to his lips, spritzes just a tiny bit cologne on his chest instead of his throat (in case Juyeon might want to kiss him there). Then he pulls on his favorite pair of sweats and the t-shirt Juyeon got him for his birthday last year, tries to act cool and collected when he leaves the bathroom and tells Juyeon the shower's free.

Juyeon smiles at him, sweet and fond, and reaches out to ruffle his hair. "You look cute," he says and Eric blushes, his heart fluttering in his chest.

"Thanks," he replies shyly, Juyeon's smile stretching even wider as he squeezes Eric's shoulder then disappears into the bathroom.

The butterflies are even worse than Eric worried they might be, his stomach tumbling, but he's not going to freak out and ruin their night. He refuses. He's going to have his first kiss tonight, his nerves be damned!

He distracts himself by opening his backpack, pulling out the few things he brought to set the mood. It isn't much, just a few scented candles and a bluetooth speaker. He spent a few weeks creating a playlist of slow, sexy-ish songs, tracks with good beats, something he could imagine as background music while they make out.

He doesn't want to light the candles too early so he waits until he hears the shower shut off, pretends he doesn't notice how much his hands are shaking as he sparks the lighter and brings it to each of the three wicks. Then he turns on the speaker and starts his playlist, messes with the volume until it's at the perfect level, like a scene in a movie.

He's trembling when he arranges himself on his bed, his back against the headboard. He shifts around a little, changes the positions of his legs a couple times to make sure he looks comfortable and inviting, like someone Juyeon will want to lean down and kiss. Which makes him realize his lip balm has mostly worn off, so he takes the tube out of his pocket to reapply.

Juyeon comes out of the bathroom before Eric can finish, looking super hot in a pair of light blue pajama pants and a loose-fitting navy tank top. Distracted by Juyeon's attractiveness, Eric fumbles the limp balm, dropping it in his lap. He has to look down to find it and when he looks back up he sees Juyeon watching him, expression confused.

"What's all this?" Juyeon asks as he tosses his towel on his bed, running a hand through his damp hair.

Eric hurriedly caps his lip balm and nearly burns himself on one of the candles as he tries to put it on the nightstand. "Oh, I uh, I thought it might be a little more, you know. Romantic," he answers with a nervous, breathy laugh, his mouth suddenly dry. He clears his throat. "With candles. And music," he adds, his heart thudding hard in his chest.

Juyeon blinks slowly, his eyes moving over the candles and the speaker before he focuses on Eric again, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. "I think I'm confused," he says after a beat.

Eric's heart sinks, his stomach twisting with guilt. "Oh god, you're not ready for this," he says, twisting his ring around his finger anxiously. "I thought, you know, it's been a couple months, and you invited me to come with you for Chuseok, got us this room together... Shit, I shouldn't have assumed, I'm so sorry."

Juyeon frowns. "What did you think I was ready for?"

Eric's whole throat is dry now and he forces himself to swallow before he attempts to speak. "To kiss finally," he says, hears his own voice shaking.

"Finally," Juyeon repeats, like he doesn't understand the word.

"Yeah," Eric replies. "I mean, I'm not in a hurry or anything! I can wait longer! I just, I always thought people who were dating started kissing each other pretty much right away."

Something crosses Juyeon's face then, something that makes Eric's heart clench in an awful, painful way. "We... We are dating. Right?" he asks even as the unpleasant realization dawns on him, crawling up the back of his throat like bile.

Juyeon sighs, gives Eric that soft, sad smile he always uses when he knows Eric's upset about something. It's more of an answer than Eric needs and he drops his face into his hands, feels his cheeks absolutely burning with shame.

"Oh my god," he groans. He doesn't know what to say. Not only did he completely invent a romantic relationship between them that doesn't exist, he probably made up all sorts of other things, too. Like that Juyeon even likes boys.

Oh _fuck_.

"God, hyung, I'm so sorry," he says, face still hidden in his hands. "You probably think I'm so gross and fucked up, I don't... I thought..." he tries, his voice starting to sound choked, on the verge of tears.

He feels the mattress dip as Juyeon sits down on the bed right beside him. "Eric," he says softly, wrapping his arm around Eric's shoulders. "Will you look at me?"

Eric doesn't really want to take his hands away from his face, doesn't think he can handle ever looking Juyeon in the eye again. But Juyeon is being so kind and sweet and gentle, and Eric still loves him, as a bandmate and a brother before everything else. So he takes a breath, drops his hands into his lap, and turns to meet Juyeon's gaze.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Juyeon asks, his voice still calm and even, no trace of anger or disgust in his expression. "Why did you think we were dating?"

As nice as Juyeon is being, the idea of answering that question is mortifying. It had seemed so obvious to Eric at the time, but it's clear now it wasn't at all, that he completely misinterpreted everything, misunderstood Juyeon's words, misread the extra skinship. He's a fucking idiot, he's _heartbroken_ , and all he wants right now is his mom.

"Please?" Juyeon prompts when Eric doesn't say anything, his arm still warm and solid around Eric's shoulders. "I promise, I'm not upset. I won't be upset."

Eric takes a watery breath, his chest tight and achy and hollow. "We were in our dressing room," he says, feeling like he might burst into hurt, embarrassed tears at any second. "At M Countdown. Like three months ago when we were promoting Bloom Bloom. You were sitting on the couch and I was trying to take a nap. Like with my head on your leg."

"I remember that," Juyeon says, and Eric's probably imagining it, but Juyeon's tone almost sounds fond. "You had those cute little braids in your hair."

Eric feels a little sick when he remembers it now, because, before this, it had been such a nice memory. "Yeah," he says, swallowing thickly. "You kept playing with them, and it felt really good, and I..."

He shakes his head. He can't do this, can't keep going. He doesn't have the courage to say it again, not now that he knows it didn't mean anything to Juyeon the first time.

Beside him Juyeon takes a breath, exhales it slowly. "You told me you really liked me," he says, and the words twist like a knife in Eric's chest, the backs of his eyes prickling with unshed tears.

Eric can remember everything he said that day perfectly, can picture exactly what Juyeon looked like, the way his hair brushed against his forehead, how the collar of his t-shirt curved just below his clavicles. He used to close his eyes and replay the moment sometimes, recalling Juyeon's gentle smile, the way he tugged each of Eric's tiny braids before he ran his fingers through Eric's hair.

_I really, really like you,_ Eric had said, the feelings inside him so big and loud he couldn't contain them anymore. _Like, so, so much._

Juyeon's smile had been so warm, so unlike any smile Eric had ever seen him give anyone, a smile just for Eric. _I really like you, too._

He'd curved his hand around the side of Eric's neck, the heel of his palm right there against Eric's racing pulse. There's no way he hadn't felt it.

_Really?_

Eric remembers his nod, that same, special smile curving his lips, the gentle stroke of his thumb along the edge of Eric's jaw. _Of course. You're my baby, you know that. My precious Eric._

"I, you said it back and I, I guess I thought..." Eric says when he can't stand the silence any longer, blinking hard to keep himself from crying. "It's my fault. I just... I misunderstood," he goes on, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Can, is there any way we, we can still be friends? Please?"

He knows he sounds pathetic, he knows the chances are slim, but he has to try. They've been so close for so long and he can't bear the thought of Juyeon hating him, of losing everything, they ever had. He can't stomach the thought of having to take a bus back to Seoul by himself instead of going to Juyeon's parents' house for Chuesok, because there's no way he can still go knowing Juyeon doesn't really want him there. He can't think about sitting in the dorm alone, wallowing in misery he caused himself while everyone else is happy, surrounded by their families.

Juyeon doesn't say anything for a minute, doesn't move, just sits there with his arm around Eric, holding him tightly. It's agonizing waiting for Juyeon to answer him, and Eric can't keep his tears at bay anymore, feels one trail wetly along the side of his nose, dripping onto his upper lip. He licks it carefully away, tastes the salt of it on his tongue and hopes as hard as he can Juyeon didn't see.

"What if..." Juyeon finally says, the sudden sound of his voice making Eric jump a little. Eric holds his breath as he waits for Juyeon to go on, hears Juyeon's own breath hitch, is too scared to guess what it might mean.

"What if I want us to be more than friends?" Juyeon finishes a few seconds later.

"What?"

Eric's eyes are still wet, but now they're wide with shock. Juyeon clears his throat. "I didn't get it before," he says. "I didn't know you meant you liked me like that. When you said it before."

"Oh," Eric says. He feels like he's going crazy.

"It took me a minute, just now, to think about it," Juyeon explains. "If I thought about you like that, too. If I could."

"Just now?!" Eric blurts, a little hysterical.

"I know," Juyeon agrees, breathing a sheepish laugh. "I'm sorry, I know."

Eric feels himself shaking, his breath going shallow and heart starting to race. "Can, can you?" he asks, simultaneously afraid and desperate to hear the answer.

Juyeon turns his head to look fully at Eric, to lock their gazes. And then, his expression serious and maybe a little scared, he nods.

Eric makes a weird little sound in response, something like a broken whimper. "Really?"

Juyeon nods again, a smile spreading across his face as he exhales a soft little laugh. "Yeah," he says. "Really."

It doesn't go the way he imagined, or even how he'd planned, but Eric does get his first kiss that night, tucked under the blankets in a random hotel room halfway to Gwangju, wrapped in Juyeon's arms. It's slow and sweet and gentle, everything Juyeon's always been, perfect and romantic and better than any drama Eric's ever watched.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
